Something I admire about my young children is that they do not yet understand the fear of being judged. They are open with their feelings, share experiences and do what makes them happy. For myself, I have limited my experiences for this fear of being judge but also because exposing myself in various ways would leave me vulnerable which is scary. One way that I am scared of being vulnerable is through my creativity. Allowing others in and sharing something that I have created with my own hands can stop me in my tracks. However, when I think back on my life, being creative has brought so much healing to me. I have dealt with and processed various experiences through writing and art. As I have gotten older, this is a side of me that I have stopped using almost completely. So with my 30 day happiness challenge, I have challenged myself to be vulnerable through my creativity.
The first way that I became vulnerable is that I did a craft show. Although this may sound silly to some, this was a huge risk for me. The idea of creating something that someone could actually touch, examine and judge was mortifying to me. I have found so much joy in sewing, but struggle with “am I good enough” and “why would someone pay for something I made”. But, I DID IT! And it actually was a pretty amazing feeling to do it.
The second way that I have become completely vulnerable and exposed is creating this blog. To allow people into some of my inner thoughts and actually ask them to read it is very overwhelming. Although I completely judge myself and struggle with “why would someone read what I wrote” and “am I good enough to contribute to the blogging world”, in the end this is about me. I have gained so much through this experience. It allows me to be creative and heal through my writing. It has given me a voice to something I am passionate it about and is also documenting who I am for my kids. I want them to know that I am more than their mom.
I am working on not allowing the fear of judgment to stop me from being vulnerable. Both these experiences have brought me joy and happiness, which helps rejuvenate me. When I am happy and rejuvenated, I am a better mom. I also want my kids to learn to take risks, be vulnerable and to not fear judgement. Instead of saying “I am not good enough” I am learning to say…
“I am good enough”
“Why not me, I can do this too”
“I am worth it”
“I want to be happy”
“I do not care if you judge me”
These are the statements I want my kids to learn. My kids are enough, they can do it, deserve to be happy and should not be limited by their fear of judgment. So as a mom, am I not responsible to teach by modeling? So I am doing those things now. I hope you take time to take a risk and become vulnerable. So much joy and fulfillment can come from exposing yourself in a creative way.