As you know, change is really really hard. We all know things we should do, but the follow through is the difficult part. I will tell you what I have learned in my very few years of parenthood (my kids are 3 and 4, I have a ton of learning to do), but I have been a therapist for a lot longer and know thinking negatively about yourself is not helpful. It stops us from making changes when we think we are not good enough, we could never do something or are fearful of being judged. Changing my thinking to knowing I am enough as I am (thank you Brene’ Brown), I learned to relax, let stuff go and focused on what really mattered. When I focused on all I didn’t know about parenting or felt like a horrible mother because “he still doesn’t sleep through the night” and somehow I related that to my own worth as a mother, I was left in a lonely shameful place. When we think negatively, it is easy to focus on the negative and much harder to see the positives or accept them. Often they are followed up with a “ya but”. Getting rid of negative thinking is a must. To do that, first understand that the negative thoughts in your head are just thoughts and simply are NOT true.
I am here to tell you that not only are you ENOUGH, you are amazing! You are an amazing mom. Does anyone tell you that? If they do, keep them around! If not, please tell yourself that you are an amazing mom. Whether you have the cleanest house in the neighborhood or the messiest you are truly amazing. Whether you never go on facebook or use it as your “check out time” you are truly amazing. Please know this and believe this about yourself. We are often our own worst enemies and say so many negative things to ourselves everyday. Everybody has bad days and bad moments. Forgiving yourself and letting go is essential. You do not need to be perfect. No one is perfect. The person you are comparing yourself to does not exist. So, for the mommy happiness challenge day 2, I want to hear how amazing you are. I want to hear all the positive things you do as a mom. This can be really uncomfortable but identifying the positives can help to refocus on what you do so well instead of what you coulda, woulda, shoulda. Please share and encourage others. When you focus on all you do that is right, positive and amazing, it begins to change your thinking about yourself as a mother and a person. Also, when you are in a positive place, you tend to worry less what others think. So don’t be shy and share away!
Here is some of my own list:
I am enough
I am a great mom
I am a great wife
I put my family first
I have empathy for others
I am always thinking about the needs of my family
I am a better mom when I take time for myself
Get creative with this list. I intend on doing it again and put my list on a journal. I have also done this list and cut out sayings which I then modge podge to a rock. I keep this rock in my office. Not the best picture but you can see it below. Please share your list and use the #mommyselfcare.